This is sort of difficult for me...
To actually list up a soundtrack for my own life would be a crazy mix of very different artists that may not bode well with one another. It's strange because in my mind I have these memories I associate with certain music in specific moments of my life, but they have nothing to do with the lyrics. It's more of an circumstantial archive of random music associated with certain events just automatically filed in my head. Having said that, I'll list up the songs and artists stocked up in my brain and I'll try to explain their relationships to my memories. This will probably be a long post, I'll try not to bore you.
Here we go:
To actually list up a soundtrack for my own life would be a crazy mix of very different artists that may not bode well with one another. It's strange because in my mind I have these memories I associate with certain music in specific moments of my life, but they have nothing to do with the lyrics. It's more of an circumstantial archive of random music associated with certain events just automatically filed in my head. Having said that, I'll list up the songs and artists stocked up in my brain and I'll try to explain their relationships to my memories. This will probably be a long post, I'll try not to bore you.
Here we go:
1997
The earliest association I can remember is Alejandro Fernandez's En el jardin de mis amores featuring Gloria Estefan. This specific song reminds me of certain days in my summer vacations when I used to take art clases at Escuela de Artes Plasticas in San juan. I was 6 years old.
What it reminds me of:
It reminds me of those days because ( and I will be repeating this reason a lot...) my mother was hooked on that CD. I remember listening to it over and over again in my mother's van when she'd take me to art class every Saturday. It reminds me of how bright Old San Juan is in the mornings, it reminds me of how lonely and lost I felt during these classes, and it also reminds me of the caramel candy I would buy every time the class was dismissed and I had to wait outside for my mother to pick me up.
The earliest association I can remember is Alejandro Fernandez's En el jardin de mis amores featuring Gloria Estefan. This specific song reminds me of certain days in my summer vacations when I used to take art clases at Escuela de Artes Plasticas in San juan. I was 6 years old.
What it reminds me of:
It reminds me of those days because ( and I will be repeating this reason a lot...) my mother was hooked on that CD. I remember listening to it over and over again in my mother's van when she'd take me to art class every Saturday. It reminds me of how bright Old San Juan is in the mornings, it reminds me of how lonely and lost I felt during these classes, and it also reminds me of the caramel candy I would buy every time the class was dismissed and I had to wait outside for my mother to pick me up.
1997
Do any of you remember La Mujer Fantastica? It was this attraction that came to the Luis Muñoz Rivera park. It was a giant woman into which you could walk into and you could see her organs and systems she even had a baby you could see, it was awesome.
Well I remember my mother taking me to this attraction, I don't exactly remember if it was in 1997 or so but it was around that time. Next songs are Que Grande es este amor and Me subes me bajas from Olga Tanon.
What it reminds me of:
Again, their lyrics have nothing to do with this particulat time in my life, but they still remind me of a certain moment. Like this day for example, it was a simple time. I was a content child just having a day in the park with my mother, just the two of us. It's one of the few mother-daughter days I remember most. My parent's where still together and everything was just...simple.
Do any of you remember La Mujer Fantastica? It was this attraction that came to the Luis Muñoz Rivera park. It was a giant woman into which you could walk into and you could see her organs and systems she even had a baby you could see, it was awesome.
Well I remember my mother taking me to this attraction, I don't exactly remember if it was in 1997 or so but it was around that time. Next songs are Que Grande es este amor and Me subes me bajas from Olga Tanon.
What it reminds me of:
Again, their lyrics have nothing to do with this particulat time in my life, but they still remind me of a certain moment. Like this day for example, it was a simple time. I was a content child just having a day in the park with my mother, just the two of us. It's one of the few mother-daughter days I remember most. My parent's where still together and everything was just...simple.
1999
I had a great childhood, though not as varied in experiences as many others. I didn't socialize with my neighbors, I barely learned how to ride a bike when I was like 9 years old. I spent most of my time with my brothers or cousins. But most of it I spent it at the gym. So from ages 5 to 10 I spent an average of 4 to 5 hours daily training to be a gymnast. I was one of the favorites rumored to go to the 2004 Olympics. I won 5 All around gold medals and 1 silver.( Ha! I got you all at the 5 lies 1 truth post! You all thought that the lie was that my mother used to douse my hair in chamomile to make me blonde like my dad...which is also true...) Every day I spent it at the gym, and I missed out on most things that other kids did, like riding bikes and skates because my trainer didn't want me to risk getting hurt, hence risking my chances at nationals.
So this next song albeit random ( well most of them are..) is Blue da be dee by Eiffel 65. Yeah we all remember this song. We used to sing along to it all the time blubbering and not understanding shit of what it said. It was still fun!
What it reminds me of:
Anyway this song reminds me of those times training. Throughout practices they always played the radio, it was good motivation to listen to your favorite songs while you lifted weights and flexed and ran up the bleachers hoping to God you wouldn't miss a step. It reminds me of that feeling of being warmed up under those giant light bulb lights. The gym didn't have air conditioning, it was open. But back then it felt good to sweat, to be loose. It gave you great satisfaction to see how all the hard work of repeating scary ass tricks over and over paid off. My favorite event was vault. I wasn't very graceful with the floor routines, but acrobatics was still my strength, while the balancing beam was the event that gave me the hardest time.
I had a great childhood, though not as varied in experiences as many others. I didn't socialize with my neighbors, I barely learned how to ride a bike when I was like 9 years old. I spent most of my time with my brothers or cousins. But most of it I spent it at the gym. So from ages 5 to 10 I spent an average of 4 to 5 hours daily training to be a gymnast. I was one of the favorites rumored to go to the 2004 Olympics. I won 5 All around gold medals and 1 silver.( Ha! I got you all at the 5 lies 1 truth post! You all thought that the lie was that my mother used to douse my hair in chamomile to make me blonde like my dad...which is also true...) Every day I spent it at the gym, and I missed out on most things that other kids did, like riding bikes and skates because my trainer didn't want me to risk getting hurt, hence risking my chances at nationals.
So this next song albeit random ( well most of them are..) is Blue da be dee by Eiffel 65. Yeah we all remember this song. We used to sing along to it all the time blubbering and not understanding shit of what it said. It was still fun!
What it reminds me of:
Anyway this song reminds me of those times training. Throughout practices they always played the radio, it was good motivation to listen to your favorite songs while you lifted weights and flexed and ran up the bleachers hoping to God you wouldn't miss a step. It reminds me of that feeling of being warmed up under those giant light bulb lights. The gym didn't have air conditioning, it was open. But back then it felt good to sweat, to be loose. It gave you great satisfaction to see how all the hard work of repeating scary ass tricks over and over paid off. My favorite event was vault. I wasn't very graceful with the floor routines, but acrobatics was still my strength, while the balancing beam was the event that gave me the hardest time.
"Last trick.
Round-off step out.
I fell off the balancing beam, and I never got on it again."
1999
I spoke about this song in one of my previous posts. Even though this song was released in 1994, I discovered Meat Loaf later on, through my dad. Objects in Mirror May appear closer than they are by Meat Loaf. I remembered being interested in learning English. I would watch the series Friends every morning with my dad, and so I looked up the lyrics to this song because I wanted to know what it was about. And boy did I find it.
The song is about Meat Loaf's own life, about the tragedies he has had to overcome. The premature death of a close childhood friend, his abusive father... etc It gave me a new perspective on music and lyrics, how powerful they can be.
What it reminds me of:
I started writing by this time. Small things here and there. Always remembering that overwhelming sensation I achieved by just understanding the lyrics and linking them to the song's melody.
Also, a fun unconnected fact to this song, is that I have a vague yet powerful memory of being afraid of an alien invasion, every time I hear this song I remember that. I have no idea why. Probably some movie scared the hell out of me by that time, like Mars Attack or something.
I spoke about this song in one of my previous posts. Even though this song was released in 1994, I discovered Meat Loaf later on, through my dad. Objects in Mirror May appear closer than they are by Meat Loaf. I remembered being interested in learning English. I would watch the series Friends every morning with my dad, and so I looked up the lyrics to this song because I wanted to know what it was about. And boy did I find it.
The song is about Meat Loaf's own life, about the tragedies he has had to overcome. The premature death of a close childhood friend, his abusive father... etc It gave me a new perspective on music and lyrics, how powerful they can be.
What it reminds me of:
I started writing by this time. Small things here and there. Always remembering that overwhelming sensation I achieved by just understanding the lyrics and linking them to the song's melody.
Also, a fun unconnected fact to this song, is that I have a vague yet powerful memory of being afraid of an alien invasion, every time I hear this song I remember that. I have no idea why. Probably some movie scared the hell out of me by that time, like Mars Attack or something.
2000
Following this line of thought- the discovery on the power of lyrics- I remembered how I started looking them up to every song I heard. During this time, between the years 2000 and 2001,my family was in crisis. My parents where getting divorced and my daily hours at the gym were beginning to be a big problem. Specially since my trainer fell in love with my mother...( thank God this wasn't the reason my parents split, it didn't help much though). My mother left the house with her children and found an apartment. I had my own room in this new place and I remember one day, one specific day I was listening to some CDs in my room and I came across a song that made me cry uncontrollably. This is the first time I remember being identified to a song on a certain level. Estaremos Juntos by Millie Corretjer and Alvaro Torres. To those of you unfamiliar with the song, it's really well resumed in it's tittle. But if you want a little more insight to it here's how the chorus goes:
Following this line of thought- the discovery on the power of lyrics- I remembered how I started looking them up to every song I heard. During this time, between the years 2000 and 2001,my family was in crisis. My parents where getting divorced and my daily hours at the gym were beginning to be a big problem. Specially since my trainer fell in love with my mother...( thank God this wasn't the reason my parents split, it didn't help much though). My mother left the house with her children and found an apartment. I had my own room in this new place and I remember one day, one specific day I was listening to some CDs in my room and I came across a song that made me cry uncontrollably. This is the first time I remember being identified to a song on a certain level. Estaremos Juntos by Millie Corretjer and Alvaro Torres. To those of you unfamiliar with the song, it's really well resumed in it's tittle. But if you want a little more insight to it here's how the chorus goes:
Estaremos juntos
desde el desierto al mar
hasta que el sol pierda sus días
y el mar no tenga olas
Estaremos juntos
por una eternidad
el tiempo mismo venceremos
entre los dos, no habrá final
What it reminds me of:
I used to be a proud kid, being the only girl of four, I hated being seen crying by my older brothers. So pride can make you do silly things like, I don't know, taping a letter in front of the door to your room asking your mother to aid you immediately, instead of actually walking up to her. To which, consequently, your brothers will make even more fun of you for. After my mother inevitably entered my room and saw me crying I asked her the heart-breaking question " Mom, why did you divorce dad? You guys promised each other you'd be together forever. What happened? " I don't remember her answer, I just remember the tone of her voice. It was low, soft and kind. It was comforting, but also sad. She held me and tried to give me a diplomatic answer but I think she knew that there was no way of letting me understand what happened between them, not until later on.
The years that followed my parents divorce are somewhat scrambled. Since my trainer's feelings towards my mother caused so much tension, I decided to leave Gymnastics forever and give it a try to be a normal kid. I sort of failed. Kids at my elementary school used to call me " Krystel la Loca" so I used that opportunity to be the comic-relief-friend. Idid all sorts of crazy stuff to make my friends laugh. So following that I'd say that the next songs in my repertoire would be...
I used to be a proud kid, being the only girl of four, I hated being seen crying by my older brothers. So pride can make you do silly things like, I don't know, taping a letter in front of the door to your room asking your mother to aid you immediately, instead of actually walking up to her. To which, consequently, your brothers will make even more fun of you for. After my mother inevitably entered my room and saw me crying I asked her the heart-breaking question " Mom, why did you divorce dad? You guys promised each other you'd be together forever. What happened? " I don't remember her answer, I just remember the tone of her voice. It was low, soft and kind. It was comforting, but also sad. She held me and tried to give me a diplomatic answer but I think she knew that there was no way of letting me understand what happened between them, not until later on.
The years that followed my parents divorce are somewhat scrambled. Since my trainer's feelings towards my mother caused so much tension, I decided to leave Gymnastics forever and give it a try to be a normal kid. I sort of failed. Kids at my elementary school used to call me " Krystel la Loca" so I used that opportunity to be the comic-relief-friend. Idid all sorts of crazy stuff to make my friends laugh. So following that I'd say that the next songs in my repertoire would be...
2001-2002
UFF's Ya lo ves and Linkin Park's In the End
That's a strange combination but they both remind me of the same feeling.
What they remind me off:
UFF is a venezuelan boy band that my girlfriends used to listen to a lot. But I was always left out, I was never able to keep up with their likes. UFF was one of those times I tried hard. By the time I got that crappy album and got familiar with most of the songs my friends had already moved on to something else. Linkin Park reminds of the same feeling, but a different event. I was in the sixth grade and the teachers had managed to organize some sort of ' disco party" at the gym. I remember sitting at the bleachers watching people dancing and singing, and I felt so out of place. Like an alien struggling to keep up with these strange human customs. It was only until they played " In the End" that I was somewhat uplifted since it was the only song in the repertoire that I knew. ( Back the we used to watch MTVs music videos. The channel played as background in my house). But as I stood up to sing along and jump to the track everyone else sat down to rest.
UFF's Ya lo ves and Linkin Park's In the End
That's a strange combination but they both remind me of the same feeling.
What they remind me off:
UFF is a venezuelan boy band that my girlfriends used to listen to a lot. But I was always left out, I was never able to keep up with their likes. UFF was one of those times I tried hard. By the time I got that crappy album and got familiar with most of the songs my friends had already moved on to something else. Linkin Park reminds of the same feeling, but a different event. I was in the sixth grade and the teachers had managed to organize some sort of ' disco party" at the gym. I remember sitting at the bleachers watching people dancing and singing, and I felt so out of place. Like an alien struggling to keep up with these strange human customs. It was only until they played " In the End" that I was somewhat uplifted since it was the only song in the repertoire that I knew. ( Back the we used to watch MTVs music videos. The channel played as background in my house). But as I stood up to sing along and jump to the track everyone else sat down to rest.
2003-2004
As a single mother, she moved a lot and in a space of four years we lived in 5 different houses. Strangely a few of those years have been the ones I've been for more fond of, happiest and content with my life. I left my school in the seventh grade to study at Escuela Central de Artes Visuales. Everyone there was weird so I was fascinated by the oddest individuals, a select group which became my best friends. This next song is La oreja de van Gogh's Puedes Contar conmigo.
What it reminds me of:
The first time I fell in love. It was so pure and innocent that I didn't care if he was my boyfriend or not, I just wanted to be near him, to listen to his voice. This guy is one of the smartest and strangest people I've met and I'll never forget him. The song reminds me of that feeling of waking up everyday at 5:30 am happily because I wanted to get to school early just so I could speak to this guy even for a few minutes. And every morning the radio would play it.
As a single mother, she moved a lot and in a space of four years we lived in 5 different houses. Strangely a few of those years have been the ones I've been for more fond of, happiest and content with my life. I left my school in the seventh grade to study at Escuela Central de Artes Visuales. Everyone there was weird so I was fascinated by the oddest individuals, a select group which became my best friends. This next song is La oreja de van Gogh's Puedes Contar conmigo.
What it reminds me of:
The first time I fell in love. It was so pure and innocent that I didn't care if he was my boyfriend or not, I just wanted to be near him, to listen to his voice. This guy is one of the smartest and strangest people I've met and I'll never forget him. The song reminds me of that feeling of waking up everyday at 5:30 am happily because I wanted to get to school early just so I could speak to this guy even for a few minutes. And every morning the radio would play it.
2004-2005
We moved again ( big surprise) this time to a place in Hato Rey called Monte Sur. This is the favorite apartment I've lived at so far, but I won't bore you with the details of it ( this post is already too long). The next artist I'm choosing is Matchbox Twenty their album More than you think you are. Yeah, the entire album. By this time I'm discovering a lot more music, thanks to my brothers and weird friends.
What it reminds me of:
This specific album reminds me of my older brother's crappy pathfinder. The smell was always humid since the air conditioning was broken and the water filter used to cascade on your feet whenever it would brake. But we loved that car. My borther used to take me everyday to school in it. The Cd player was a little problematic, whenever we'd manage to actually get it to play a CD, it would stay there for months and months. That album was Matchbox Twenty. And I loved it. Also, by this time, 8th, 9th grade, I was at a school I loved, drawing, painting creating, and spending time with Joey who was by some brief time my boyfriend ( my first boyfriend to be specific. He turned out to be gay later on) . I wasn't a weird friend, I wasn't cast out, I was more of a student that my friends felt they had to teach. Someone naive and in much needed education of literature, music and religious perspective.
And boy did I learn perspective...
We moved again ( big surprise) this time to a place in Hato Rey called Monte Sur. This is the favorite apartment I've lived at so far, but I won't bore you with the details of it ( this post is already too long). The next artist I'm choosing is Matchbox Twenty their album More than you think you are. Yeah, the entire album. By this time I'm discovering a lot more music, thanks to my brothers and weird friends.
What it reminds me of:
This specific album reminds me of my older brother's crappy pathfinder. The smell was always humid since the air conditioning was broken and the water filter used to cascade on your feet whenever it would brake. But we loved that car. My borther used to take me everyday to school in it. The Cd player was a little problematic, whenever we'd manage to actually get it to play a CD, it would stay there for months and months. That album was Matchbox Twenty. And I loved it. Also, by this time, 8th, 9th grade, I was at a school I loved, drawing, painting creating, and spending time with Joey who was by some brief time my boyfriend ( my first boyfriend to be specific. He turned out to be gay later on) . I wasn't a weird friend, I wasn't cast out, I was more of a student that my friends felt they had to teach. Someone naive and in much needed education of literature, music and religious perspective.
And boy did I learn perspective...
2005-2008
A lot of changes, during this time. So a lot of background music to go with it.
I discovered that rock music was my type, and with it I would listen to System of a Down's Toxicity, and Disturbed's Stupefy. But never losing track of my dad's music lessons. Boston, Journey, Ozzy Osbourne, 38 Special, Billy Joel, Elton John. Etc There was so much going on thatI couldn't really choose a song that would describe it all.
A big change though, I left the art school that I loved and went back to my old school. How'd I feel about that? Ugh. I was bored out of my mind. And seeing that change in ambiance, when I came back people would say " Hey Krystel la Loca volvio!' which didn't bother me but I still felt lonely.
But along with it there were also upsides to it. I caught up with a couple of my old friends. The next song, and with it the next memory is Il Divo's Isabel.
What it reminds me of:
It reminds me specifically of my 17th birthday. A few friends came over, I had a great time. This specific day I discovered who Il Divo was, when a friend of mine gave me their DVD as a gift. I remember thinking it was some sort of heavy metal concert since he's mostly into that type of music, but it surprised me to see that it was some sort of pop opera type deal. And somehow I fell in love with them. The song reminds me of this time, between 11th and 12th grade where I feel lonely and bored, but somehow I'm admired by others for my drawings and knowledge in literature.
It's during this time that I am more and more enthused about reading and writing and researching on my own.
A lot of changes, during this time. So a lot of background music to go with it.
I discovered that rock music was my type, and with it I would listen to System of a Down's Toxicity, and Disturbed's Stupefy. But never losing track of my dad's music lessons. Boston, Journey, Ozzy Osbourne, 38 Special, Billy Joel, Elton John. Etc There was so much going on thatI couldn't really choose a song that would describe it all.
A big change though, I left the art school that I loved and went back to my old school. How'd I feel about that? Ugh. I was bored out of my mind. And seeing that change in ambiance, when I came back people would say " Hey Krystel la Loca volvio!' which didn't bother me but I still felt lonely.
But along with it there were also upsides to it. I caught up with a couple of my old friends. The next song, and with it the next memory is Il Divo's Isabel.
What it reminds me of:
It reminds me specifically of my 17th birthday. A few friends came over, I had a great time. This specific day I discovered who Il Divo was, when a friend of mine gave me their DVD as a gift. I remember thinking it was some sort of heavy metal concert since he's mostly into that type of music, but it surprised me to see that it was some sort of pop opera type deal. And somehow I fell in love with them. The song reminds me of this time, between 11th and 12th grade where I feel lonely and bored, but somehow I'm admired by others for my drawings and knowledge in literature.
It's during this time that I am more and more enthused about reading and writing and researching on my own.
2008- until today?
I can't really say.
My college years have been so varied in experience and so rich in music and text that I can't set a background to it. I'd have to sit down another day and organize it better.
But I do know this:
Something I learned contrasting my elementary years with my high school ones is that, I always tried to be a follower, but I always failed at it. Not just because I followed the wrong crowds, but because I was bad at not being me. I was horrible at it. The moments I shone most was when I felt at home in my own skin. When my skin glistened with sweat and I heaved of exhaustion at the gym, but I knew I had done a great job at what I knew I was best at. I left that sport for legitimate reasons, but it took me so many years to find myself again, that I forgot who I was, so I tried to follow others.
It wasn't until I started writing that I thought : " Maybe, I have lower expectations of myself than I should. Maybe I could be great at something again. Maybe, just maybe I am more than I think I am."
I can't really say.
My college years have been so varied in experience and so rich in music and text that I can't set a background to it. I'd have to sit down another day and organize it better.
But I do know this:
Something I learned contrasting my elementary years with my high school ones is that, I always tried to be a follower, but I always failed at it. Not just because I followed the wrong crowds, but because I was bad at not being me. I was horrible at it. The moments I shone most was when I felt at home in my own skin. When my skin glistened with sweat and I heaved of exhaustion at the gym, but I knew I had done a great job at what I knew I was best at. I left that sport for legitimate reasons, but it took me so many years to find myself again, that I forgot who I was, so I tried to follow others.
It wasn't until I started writing that I thought : " Maybe, I have lower expectations of myself than I should. Maybe I could be great at something again. Maybe, just maybe I am more than I think I am."
" [...] What does matter? Love? Family? Certainly not anything material.
You know what matters? What you cant touch. Love comes and goes, your ability to love, thats always there isint it?
Memories, by nature, are transient. They're pieces of what makes you you, they're everything and nothing, all at the same time. Take a look around. take a fucking look around and find out, what means the most to you? Whats the most important thing right now?
This is MY view on life, my thought, my ka.
So be happy. Cherish what you love the most, mourn what you've lost, and never stop fighting. Always believe in something. A person without something to fight for, is not a man but a husk, as inconsequential and dismissible as a single bee in a hive.
Fight, love, love some more, then die.
Love your blessings and your curses. Love yourself. Believe in yourself always, and believe that you can do anything, as long as you try. Love that giant pimple on your face, your ugly feet, your ears which are too big, whatever. Love your faults, your misgivings, and love it all the same. Love life, and it'll be nice to you. Love life and it'll also kick you in the ass. Its just the way it goes. " - It's all in the silver lining
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